It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
