i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
