Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Blow job season was short but glorious.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
