I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
