Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
