He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
