alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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