Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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