he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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