Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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