Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
