Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
