If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We smell like vodka and hangover
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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