how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
