Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
