last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize