I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
