If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize