ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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