Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize