He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
