Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
