haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
