and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
