DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
