he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
