i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
