You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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