I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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