Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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