Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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