my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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