i'm signing you up for texting rehab
People in love make me want to vomit
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
