Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
PANTIES FOUND
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