Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
