So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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