I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
