some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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