You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
