So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
