You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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