Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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