why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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