My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
