I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
