No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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