Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up under a house in Key West
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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