haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
