there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
