i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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