I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
