My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
