$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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