he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
