Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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