Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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