a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
