I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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