he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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