I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
