I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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