Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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