There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
