hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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