Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize