foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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