dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
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Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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