3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
