In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
